Kurt Osiander is undoubtedly one of the funniest men to have ever graced the BJJ mats. Not only is he known for his teaching skills, but he’s also a real character who isn’t afraid to speak his mind. As a result, his sayings and quips have earned him cult status and a number of fans over the years who appreciate his blunt and sometimes brutal style. In a world of politically correct censorship, you could argue that Osiander was the last of a dying breed.
It should also be noted that away from his personality, he also happens to be pretty damn good at BJJ too. Having trained religiously for years without many breaks, it’s safe to say that he knows a thing or two about grappling. Coupled with his hilarious personality, you know this list of quotes is going to be good. With that said, here are the 16 best Kurt Osiander quotes that we could find. Be warned though, if you’re easily offended then this one may not be for you…
“I know it’s very fashionable now that everybody’s going upside down, berimbolo, inversions, spinning upside down, spin through the air…f*ck them”
“If you end up in a bad position, you f*cked up a long time ago”
“These guys can do all this crazy cool s*** but they can’t do the basics. Like, they can’t even do a proper elbow escape”
“I like to do good for society and do good s***. I don’t know man, I’m just trying to teach really good classes, not hold back information and make my people really good”
“You have to have good base and posture. We’re in San Francisco. You know what happens to you when you’re bent over like that”
“F*** ISIS. F*** they’re broken, they’re through. They’re a piece of s***. I’m against evil, I will try to always defeat evil”
“If I can walk out on my lawn naked with my machine guns then I know the world is right. If I can’t do this, then I know if something is wrong”
“You can outwork talent. I work on getting the average guy good. My technology nerds are dangerous as f*** when they get to blue belt. That’s a lot harder than doing it with cool Jiu Jitsu guys”
“If you do 50/50 wrong, you’re getting f*cked. If you do it right, you’re doing the f*cking!”
“I’m sweating like a whore in church. Or worse, I don’t know what’s worse but I’ll make something up. Get a fan blowing over cold water. I’m sorry, it’s funny no matter what”
“If you punch them in the stomach they will open their legs quicker than a prostitute”
“I don’t ever want to make people feel bad or sad. If they go ‘whoa’ that’s f***ed up and laugh then that’s good. But at the very least, I’m going to equally spread by hatred and prejudices across the whole f***ing spectrum”
“I got, I got something to show you guys…It’s not my d*ck, it’s my new tattoo.”
“I hate 50/50. I don’t even know what the f*** it is. At first I was like people are going there. I was like good, if you do that in a fight I’ll f*** you up”
“I invent s*** and teach it to my guys and it mutates and it comes back to bite me. That’s the motto here, kill the master. I’m not going to make an inferior product, that’s really cool”
“Holy s*** I’m in Communist China. I’m old, Communist China and Russia are evil. I’m like, this is cool as s***. Let’s get a cheeseburger. I’m like f*** yeah lets go down, on Sunday it’s 2 for 1. They’re like, the American is really American”
